Is it true? Is it real?
Me? The person that my mom said will talk even in her sleep.. is pendiam now?
I still feel that I am not, but when I looked back at myself.. I reluctantly need to say it is true now.
Not because I don't have anything to say, but my experience taught me otherwise. The lesser I talked, the lower its chances that any of it will backfire to me in the future.
That is why I love to talk to stranger, under pseudonyms if possible. People that don't really know me. I feel free to talk with them as I feel they have fresh perspective on me, not influenced by my crazy self.
That is why I talk even less to the person that have known me since forever. Since I know they will still see me for the next 20 years, I have to carefully select my words.. and, after much filtration.. most of the time I will only talk about weather with them. Boring stuffs that will not implicate me in the future.
Why am I this paranoid? I don't even know what am I afraid of.
Maybe, the scar of old trauma is deeper than what is visible.
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