Birth Story: The summary

The drama started on 23rd May 2014 when I found a bloodied discharge when I went to the toilet for my hourly peeing session.

I panicked. I was only in my 37th weeks and my mom had not arrived in KL yet to cook my favourite food. Haha...

But, I still made a call to PCMC's labour room for advice and of course, they asked me to come right away. As I was in KLCC and my husband was in his office in PJ, I asked my colleague to drive me to the hospital as it was only 5 minutes away.

I was admitted to the labour room and strapped with the CTG machine. They detect some contraction and I was like... what??? I did not feel anything and seriously.. I was not ready to give birth yet. At that point, I don't even know what contractions feel like. Haha..

My husband arrived around 7pm, 2 hours after my first phone call to him. As expected, Friday traffic from PJ to KL sucked as usual. If I really wait for him, if I really was in labour.. sempat beranak dulu agaknye baru dia sampai :P

I was warded for a night to observe my contractions and even though there really were many contractions, it was not regular or strong enough yet. On the second day, I requested to be discharged from the hospital because there were so many things that I wanted to do (or eat) that I hadn't done yet. Since my blood pressure was normal and my urine was clear for any protein, my gynae ruled out pre-eclampsia for the time being but she asked me to really rest at home.

That weekend, my mom arrived from Kluang and I moved back to my own home. All this while, I stayed at my in law's home as they were worried about my well being. They were overly concerned as compared with my mom's relaxed attitude. I even went to Jakel with my mom, to shop for raya clothes a day before I was admitted for labour. Haha..

While enjoying my last minute treat of home cooked food from my mother, I realized that all good thing would not last. On Tuesday, I went to see my gynae again and she said I should be induced at the same night. Ok ow.. my blood pressure went haywire again and even though there were no protein in my urine, she wanted to avoid pre-eclampsia. I was already a week away from my EDD so I don't see any problem in following her advice.

My mom cooked me some kerabu kaki ayam before I was induced that night. 

So, I was induced with a pill on the night of 10th June 2014 and the contraction become regular again. As I was progressing slowly, only 2cm after 6 hours.. I was being induced again in the morning.

I only progressed to 3cm the following day and I can't remember whether I was induced again on the second night as I was sleeping peacefully without having to fight another series of contractions. In the morning, I remember my gynae came to visit me and she was surprised when she saw me without any pain. She said, she has instructed the nurse to induce me using the drip (Pitocin?) if I was not progressing well by 6am. Nurse lupa lah tu kot.. huhu...

At 10am, I was induced with that drip and I was moved to the labour room. The pain come almost instantly and I progressed to 4cm. I tried my very best not to ask for Epidural but at 2pm, I could not stand the pain anymore. 

"Okay, Soraya.. you can stop choking your husband now."

Haha.. that was the first time I realized that I choked my husband to withstand the contraction pain. 

After epidural, I was calmer and even I managed to hold a decent conversation with my mom and my MIL. But, unfortunately.. I did not progress beyond 5cm and my gynae break my water soon after that. The contraction become unimaginable.. but still, I was stucked at 5cm.

I could not remember the time.. but around 5pm to 6pm, after almost 3 days being induced.. my gynae scheduled me for an emergency c-sec as my blood pressure was over the top and she could detect some fetal distress in my womb. 

My husband was out running to get me some 100 plus that time, only my mom was there and when my husband returned, I could not drink it anymore since I was already scheduled for the c-sec.

Antara benda yang aku nangiskan sebelum masuk OT ialah.."tak sempat minum 100 plus". Percaya tak? Haha..

Everything was in fast forward afterwards, I was rolled into the OT. I asked for a full GA since I could not imagine being cut open while I was awake.. I cried "SAKITTTTTT!!" when I feel the knife probing my abdomen... then, I was out cold.

I was awake later when the nurse roused me from my unconciousness and there he was.. the baby that I carried for 9 months looking at me with his curious big eyes. My baby. My Nisfu Syaaban's baby.

As I was stitched alive, I forgot all pain and all I can say is Alhamdulillah :)

How Alex Got His First Meal

Even before my son was born, I was mentally determined to breastfeed him.

I never knew that motherhood is this interesting, with so many things to learn. So, I started buying pregnancy books and sign up to many motherhood/baby/family online newsletter. Never once I encountered an article that discourage breastfeeding and all of them said breastfeeding is a natural things to do.

I thought it will be easy and breezy.

That was when everything went wrong.

After my c-sec, I had a fever and I was held for observation at the isolation ward for a few hours (think so.. because I don't wear a watch nor my glasses to know the time). It was the longest wait of my life, to see my baby and family.

Once I returned to my ward, the nurses brought my baby to me and asked me to start breastfeeding him. It was the most awkward thing to do. I don't know how to held him in the right position. I was so afraid that my boobs will crush my small 2.9kg baby and man.. it was so painful when he sucked.

I cried for days when I think I can't breastfeed him. My mom tried to press my breast and she can't see any droplets of milk.. I was so depressed and felt inadequate. Only my husband deny that claim because he said he saw some white droplets in our son mouth after my tearful attempts to breastfeed him.

So, I fall to the formula milk trap. Between our cries, I call the nurse and asked her to feed my baby some formula because I couldn't stand to see him crying non-stop.

My baby became quite contented and sleep happily afterwards. After that, I let the nurse fed him formula in between my feeble attempts to breastfeed. Until day 5, I remembered that I have bought a breastpump and asked my husband to bring it to the ward. 

I pumped and within half an hour I managed to collect 2oz from 1 side only. After that, I pumped every 3-4 hours and managed to collect 2oz-3oz every time. I feel very happy and that thumped all talks about I didn't have any milk.

That convince me that I have milk, enough milk to make my baby satiated and I don't need formula anymore. 

Mind you, I never once feel engorged or leaking until my milk supply established few weeks after that. I guess I was the lucky few who did not have to experience the painful engorgement at all.

But, just to be safe.. my husband bought a small can of formula in case I can't breastfeed once we returned home for confinement. I tried my best not to feed my baby any formula except for 1 time at night to make my baby sleep longer. He never did.

I still continue my pumping and breastfeeding attempts but day by day, my baby seems to prefer bottle more than my breast. Every time I tried to breastfeed, he would refuse to suck and cried his heart out. I never know that this was a signal that he was confused between breast and bottle feeding.

When my son was 7 days old, he got a bad diarrhea. His poop was green, watery and full of bubbles. According to the pharmacist, this was a sign of lactose intolerance. I then bought another can of lactose free formula and my son was okay with it.

Then, somebody on my Facebook posted a link from TBAN. I was not an avid Facebooker during my single years and I never posted anything on my FB page for years. But, the long hours I have to sit static while breastfeeding made me turn to FB to cure my boredom. My first post on FB after few years on silent was the once asking on why my baby only want to sleep on my chest and breastfeed every hour.

TBAN was magical. I learn a lot from TBAN within 1 night of reading through their walls as compared from all the breastfeeding talks I attended, books I read, websites I skimmed through and advises from old folks.

I learn about growth spurt, bottle confusion, power pumping and the very best information of all, I learn that breastfeeding was not easy. It required a lot of work and perseverance and tears and stubbornness.

TBAN even helped me when I had multiple milk blisters. Uhuk..

It was a painful journey.

I started to wean my baby off formula slowly and while doing power pumping numerous times everyday to bring up my supply to demand. 

My baby was totally off formula by week 6 and I exclusively breastfed him until today. Including my 2 weeks stint when I have to be in Germany without my baby.

Yay, a little pat on my back to myself and my frozen breast milk stash still available in the freezer. (Only breastfeeding mom will understand this :P)

Hehe..

Reality Bites

Sebenarnya, at the beginning I wanted to write about my breastfeeding journey. Tapi, in the end I decided to write about myself.

Frankly, I missed my friends. I missed the time when I can just go anyway on my own.. within my own time.. I missed my freedom *sigh*

This is so "unmotherly" confession right? I think all those motherhood-is-the-ultimate-lifestyle preacher will hate me after this.

<insert bitter laugh here>

Before I proceed, I better state here that I love my son more than my own life.. and I love my husband enough to sacrifice everything for him.

But, that priorities in life still can't erase the gregarious little me inside.

I missed my alone time. I would kill for 6 hours just by myself.. sipping coffee with a good books in coffee shop. Wearing my 5 inch heels, favourite jeans and tee.. blow dried hair and made up face. Had some shopping before heading home.. a shopping trip that I can spend RM500 without batting an eyelid because I can afford it.

Now, if I went out alone.. I had to lug my breast pump with me and had to pump every 3-4 hours. I can't enjoy sipping coffee because I know it will make my son cranky at night and I can't just read any books because I just can't let my son out of my mind (how is he doing being with his dad/grandma) to concentrate on the stories. I can't wear heels because my back pain I get after birth (epidural? spinal injection?) will be 100 times aggravated if I wear heels.. I can't zip up my favourite jeans anymore.. and of course my husband won't let me wear it because it was ripped at the thigh (fashionable ripped tho). I wear a full hijab right now.. first because I want to cover my aurat, second to cover my mommy boobies (you know what I mean) and third because I simply don't have time to take care of my own hair right now. I don't really shop for myself nowadays.. first because nothing pretty can fit into my mis-proportion body, second because most of my budget goes to my son and third because I now only shop at Jln TAR/online blogshop *cry*.

Make up? what make up? Haha.. thank god my skin condition now are like super good as compared to before. I guess being pregnant did regulate my body hormone :P

I think this are the things I won't miss if I get married at a younger age (below 25yo) but well, I get married only one month shy of being 30 and I get to enjoy years of being independent. 

Okay, not going to write anything else right now. Need to take a deep breath, open my eyes and return to reality.