Social Medias Woes

I was off Facebook for a few years before I get married and even after I was married, I never reactivate my Facebook account until...... I gave birth and found myself super clueless about breastfeeding.

Then, I know the "joy" of being in FB group. A little bit late though :P

Last weekend my normally calm social media persona had a bit of commotion. A misconstrued status because of my annoyance at certain FB group of crazy women got me a pm asking me to back off.

Err.. uolls yang keep on inviting me into the group kan? I dont even request to be in.

Haha.. I am a little bit rough at being a bitch, thank god. So, I decided to take a conscious decision just to ignore it.

Tapi, lepas sehari dua ni.. terfikir2 betapa pathetic nye that lady sebab pm aku pasal something yang aku tulis kat FB status aku. We are not even friends.. and we never communicate with each other.. but apparently she got ticked because something that I wrote on my own wall.

Yang jadi tukang print screen tu pon satu. A mutual friends no more.

Even though aku tak balas pm that crazy, pathetic lady sebab aku malas nak unleash my inner bitchiness.. aku cuma harap kau (and our mutual friends) will MYOB and GTFO other people FB status because obviously, what I wrote on my own wall should not concern you.

Dah tua lah weyy.. letih nak gaduh dah..

A Mom's Survival Guide

Haha.. today is Monday and I am feeling the blues. So, first thing I did today was brwosing through my blog list and found Vivy's post on "a mom’s survival guide".




Yesterday was my brother's solemnization day. So, we had to be in Kapar before 10am.

3 years ago, that means waking up at 8.30am. Iron my clothes and hubby's. Put on makeup and left the house by 9am or  9.30am if you feel slightly adventurous. His daddy can always drive like in F1 race and I would enjoy the ride. 

Now, it means I have to sleep late the previous night to cook my son's food for 3 full meals. I was feeling a little bit lazy, so I just a cook a pot of mix grain & fish porridge with a lot of vege. Once cooked, keep it warm. 

I woke up at 6am to take a bath and ironed both me and hubby's clothes. Can't do it last night since the iron was conquered by my brothers and parents.

Then, while my hubby was taking his bath.. I woke up my grouchy, sleepy baby to be bathed at 6.45 am. Meanwhile, my hubby boiled a jug of hot water for my baby's bath. My water heater was not working since.. a year ago I think? It need to be repaired but I just can't find the time to do it.

Bath trial Numero Uno. My baby peed as soon as his feet touched the bath water. It was okay, normal occurence. Daddy just need to reboil another jug of hot water.

Bath trial Numero Deux. My baby peed on me as soon as we reached the bathroom. It was okay, I was not dressed yet so a pee on my towel was no issue. Feet touched water. Bum down. He pooed in the hot water, right on my hand. This was not good. But, life must go on. Daddy boiled another jug of hot water.

Bath trial Numero Tres. Repeat bath trial Numero Uno.

The real bath. A crying baby being bathed at 7am with room temperature water direct from my not-fully-functioning-water-heater. 

7.15am, baby bathed and dressed. Plonked my clingy koala to daddy, who should be fully dressed by then. I need half hour on my own to dress up, put my makeup and style my shawl. I refused to attend my brother's ceremony looking like a bibik. I put like a thousand pin and brooches on my shawl, pin it at my bra strap (just like Vivy's suggestion) so no matter how strong my baby pulled my shawl, it will still be there.. unmoving.

Half an hour afterwards, fully dressed and looked like a gorgeous mummy I always dreamt to be.. I went to the kitchen to reheat the porridge and put it in my thermos food container. Pack a food and snacks bag for my baby. Water bottle, Milk bottle, Food thermos, bread and bananas.. I am starting to judge my decision to serve only home cooked and healthy meal for my baby. Why can't I just feed him roti canai just like adult? 

Then, I feel my spare tyres.. No, he must have a good start in life. Let the spare tyres generation stopped at mine.

At 8.15am, we left the house with a crying baby. Put him in the car seat. Feed him the milk and followed by porridge. He finished everything and still feeling hungry. Feed him more bread.

At 9am, stopped at the petrol station in Shah Alam just because my baby pooed again. No baby room. I washed the bum of a bay who tried his very best to run away from cold tap water while trying to preserve my dignity and my clothes from being pooped stained and wet. Before I left, rinsed the toilet sink because it was stained in brown from my baby's poop. 

My son was a cranky the whole journey. No amount of snacks, boobies or Upin Ipin can soothes him down. Well, he was stucked at the car seat and I refused to pick him up. Huhu..

At 10am, I arrived at the first check point. Tired. I already had a long day.

But, well.. we still look good in photos.. at least :P

Omelan di petang hari..

Perihal independence and SAHM vs FTWM..

Akhir-akhir ni selalu terbaca kat FB pasal suami yang prefer wife tak kerja sebab nak besarkan anak sendiri and jaga rumah sendiri without maid. At first, I just read through it like any other articles in the Internet, tapi lepas baca banyak paragraph, macam terkesan pulak dalam hati. In my opinion, the writer is closed minded, pessimistic and negative terlebih terhadap FTWM ni.

Me and my husband are both being raised by FTWM. We turn out okay, our parents are still together and loving towards each other. We recognized our mom's cooking and our house was never a jungle of mess.

My husband prefer me working because he wants me to have a life outside our small family. He falls in love with me initially not because I am a good cook or a a good homemaker or a good mother. I was (and still am!) an independent girl with my own strong mind and I am an equal to him intellectually. I have been on my own since 18 years old and I am still maintaining my authority over my life now.

.. and I believe he loves that about me. 

Tetibe terfikir.. if aku tak putus cinta and frust teruk masa umur 24 tu, mungkin I am a different person now. My breakup actually change my core belief about life... and lepas tu baru aku betul-betul baik dengan husband aku.

I have talked to him about this.. about me working full time and my career always take me away from family. Sometimes for 1 day and sometimes for 1 week.. and at the end of this year, it may takes us apart for 1 or 2 years. I love being with him every night, but looking at the economic situation.. I will grab whatever opportunity that I get to earn more for the family and I need his support for me to be able to do it.

But, to balance between my career and motherhood.. well, it is hard. I tried and I know. 

I may not be able to smother my son with kisses for all his accomplishment, nor witness his every tears and joy. Nevertheless, I still cooked for him on weekends and a few meals on weekdays. He is still breastfed (albeit not exclusively anymore) and I never let him sleep with his granny at night. By hook or by crook.. he must be with me when the night comes..

Financially, my husband provided the needs and I compliment our life with the wants. If they said FTWM is money oriented because we simply cannot live solely on our husband's income.. well.. again, I am accustomed to the good life where I can get things tanpa perlu tadah tangan mintak nafkah zahir dari suami. 

Dari zaman terlajak single dulu, time aku berdoa ditemukan jodoh.. aku cuma berharap dapat suami yang baik dan tak menyusahkan aku. Literally. 

Jika dapat menumpang senang alhamdulillah.. tapi, aku bersyukur jika hidup aku tidak bertambah susah... dan Allah kabulkan permintaan aku. 

My husband is a gem and I love him so very much :)

Hari Mengular

Hari terakhir bekerja sebelum cuti raya memang biasanya macam ni. Lemau. Datang ofis semata-mata sebab taknak amik Annual Leave sebelum raya.

Aku memang dari dulu jarang cuti sebelum raya. Huhu.. lepas raya baru enjoy cuti sebab boleh makan :P

Jadi, ape point yang aku nak tulis hari ni? Pasal suami sweet yang tersebar kat Facebook sampai kena troll dengan Amran.

My husband is not a sweet person. Romantic jauh sekali. He is a very practical person. Nak dapat bunga? I can remember only once.. tu pun sebab die ade job kat Cameron Highland and die beli sekuntum bunga rose untuk aku. Yang lain die cuma beli sayur-sayuran yang dia cakap aku boleh masak dan makan satu family untuk beberapa minggu. Oh, bunga kobis boleh consider flower gak kan? :P

PDA kat sosial media? Jangan harap. Aku wish Happy Anniversary kasi message sweet pon die boleh tanye kenape post kat FB. Dekat post tu jangan harap die nak like pon. Makan hati ajelaa yg isteri ni... hehehe...

Tapi, setiap kali aku rasa nak mengomel or merajuk..I take a step back and think. Which is more important? A husband that lovesss social media PDA and buying me a flower bouquet for each special day or a husband that helps cebok our baby's poopy bottom 24/7 without any complain?

I choose poopy bottom anytime! 

Itulah, lepas kawen, all those fantasy fairy tale slot Akasia tv3 Suamiku bla bla bla is not important. Find a husband that is willing to share the household task, respect your family, loyal, treat you respectfully and lovesssssss your kids to bits! Seriously, that's all more important than stalk of roses on your wedding anniversary.

Oh, but it won't hurt to get a piece of chocolate tho :P

Selamat Hari Raya everyone!

Baby Food Recipe Collection

Okay, I am not turning to food blogger but I just want to record my campak-campak recipe so I know where I can find it if I get another baby (Insya Allah)..

I don't own any fancy baby food gadget, just a normal handheld blender and a multi cooker that has steam function.

I love cooking so much and I love cooking without a recipe.. at first I referred to Annabel Karmel's recipe that I illegally download from the Internet.. but I can't exactly follow her recipe because I can't find all ingredients in my neighborhood Hero or Tesco. So, I improvise!

My baby first food was avocado, then banana.. then mango.. then, when he looks okay I graduated to cooked puree. 

I am not going to share recipe on single or dual fruit puree.. it is too easy..miahahaha.. but I am going to share some other slightly complicated recipe that is absolutely yummy that my baby loves it.

Tomato Pasta Sauce (Staple food in my freezer!)

1. 1kg of very ripe tomatoes

2. 1 red bell pepper

3. 4-5 piece of garlic

5. A dash of oregano (fresh preferably.. but I used the dried version).

6. Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Grilled everything in the oven for half an hour until the tomatoes and bell pepper started to char, but not turning black yet.

Then blend everything using the handheld blender. 

Lastly, pour everything into a pot under a medium fire and let it simmer to reduce the liquid until it reach your preferred thickness.

For adult, add some black pepper, salt and paprika to season.

This will turned into 10 (or more) portions and it can be freeze up to three weeks.

Before serving, I normally add some protein.. beef, salmon or chicken, and veges into the sauce. Serve it with couscous, baby pasta, mashed potato and sprinkle some cheese on top.

Mashed Potato

1. 3 russet potatoes

2. 1 inch carrot

3. Cheddar cheese (ikut suka)

Boil potatoes and carrot until soft. Then mashed with cheddar cheese.

Sedapppp :P

Carbonara Pasta 

1. Half cup of milk (i used cooking cream or if you are a bit adventurous.. can use breastmilk also :P)

2. 1 piece of garlic (finely minced)

3. Minced brown mushrooms (or whatever mushroom that you have in your fridge)

4. Proteins of choice (salmon, minced beef, minced chicken)

5. Vege of choice (carrot, baby peas, etc)

5. A dash of oregano

6. Cheese

7. Pasta (boiled separately)

Stir fry garlic with mushroom and protein with extra virgin olive oil or coconut oil until cooked. Add oregano and vege. Pour the cooking cream and wait until it thickens. Before serving, melt some cheese into the pasta.

Fruit Millet (Super easy)

1. 2 Apple or Pear (sliced thinly)

2. A dash of cinnamon powder

3. Half cup millet

Boil everything with 2 cup water.

Khaleef Alexander is One Year Old!

Gambar copy dari instagram.. hehe

My baby is now a boboy!

No pool party, no big celebration.. my husband has warned me since months ago. 

Don't get me wrong, bukan tak nak sambut. But, seriously.. birthday party for one year old? Yang makan semua mak bapak and jemputan mak bapaknye saje. Bukan anak.. My baby definition of party is if her mommy is lying besides him so he can snack anytime he wants. Oh, probably throw a few remote controls, balls, specs and Gardenia buns.. party time! Haha... 

Oh, Gardenia buns yang 60sen tu dia tak makan, tapi dia suka main sampai penyekkkk...

So, last Thurday, we celebrate his birthday by organizing small Doa Selamat (me, hubby, atok, nenek & jiran belakang rumah) after maghrib prayers.

The cupcakes are made by yours truly. Steam cheese muffin with cream cheese or whatever you want to call it.. no outside cake since I have not introduce any salt, sugar or preservatives into Alex's diet. So, home made everything.. yeah, I am that kind of mom :P

Tapi korang janganla ingat aku buat cheese sendiri, mill gandum buat tepung sendiri.. tu melampau la pulak kan?

Some update on his milestone.. 

Alex has always been a good eater. But, lately he did not want to eat his porridge and keep pointing at adult food (our food). Takkan nak bagi makan kari pulak kan? So, rice with soup is his staples nowadays.. and if I got time I will prepare shepherd pie, carbonara/bolognese pasta for him. I made a few batches and kept in the freezer so my MIL can just reheat to be served if suddenly he refused his rice.

Masih lagi tak pandai sebut mummy :(

Tengah belajar berdiri jatuh.. sebulan dua lagi insya allah pandai berlari. Heheh..

His sleeping pattern is improving so much now.. took his milk at 9pm-10pm and then sleep until 7am. Maybe 1 or 2 cries in between but no more poopy diaper change at midnight.

His features now resembles my side of the family. People keep on saying that he looks like my youngest brother when he was the same age and when we compare his face with my old toddler phase photos, I realized that he did look like me. But, maybe due to his skin colour (kof kof coffee) and his daddy's nose.. at first glance people will say he take his daddy's features more than mine.

Heheh.. takpelah, as long as you get my tall genes.. you can be tall, dark & handsome :P

On a serious note, I really hope you will grow up to be a  gentleman, educated and faithful Muslim. I also want you to be a world traveler.. I want you to explore the world. Whether as a doctor without border, a teacher, an architect, a pilot or journalist.. I don't mind your career choice. I just want you to see the world from the perspective that I can't :)

Babysitter - Part 2

... air mata mak ni tumpah jua.

Hari pertama hantar babysitter, daddy dia amik balik kerja sebab aku stuck kat office + jam yang hebat. Aku balik kerja tengok anak aku makan yogurt semangkuk dan betik sepotong yang daddy dia suap. Lapar kot anak aku ni.. tapi, lepas tengok bekas makanan semua babysitter dah basuh, aku assume semua dia habis makan lah. Berbaik sangka :)

Malam tu badan Alex panas. Macam dedar. Tengok temperature dalam 38.2C. Terus tampal coolfever, jelum dgn air dan kasi makan panadol syrup tu. Dalam sejam, terus turun temperature.. tapi, berulang balik every 4-5 hours. ulang2 step yang sama... Perut pulak kembung.

Daddy dia cakap mungkin dia terkejut kot duduk dengan orang lain. Hari kedua should be better.

Pagi hari kedua tu tengok dah tak demam, hati tak sedap nak hantar kat babysitter tapi ada meeting. Jadi kena hantar jugak.. So, hantarlah dengan hati berbelah bagi. Kali ni tambah lagi bekal makanan.. selain bubur dan buah, harini tambah cheese sandwich sekali.

Balik kerja, amik Alex tengok dia clingy dan muka sedih semacam. Masuk carseat terus nangis meraung. Haih.. ini pelik sebab dia tak pernah nangis macam tu bila letak dalam carseat.

Sampai rumah yang sekangkang kera dari rumah babysitter tu, Alex tada suara dah nak nangis. Tersedu-sedan je. Terus peluk dia.. cuci muka and breastfeed. Dalam setengah jam, tengok dia lapar lagi. Dia habiskan semangkuk shepherd pie dan sepotong betik.

Lepas husband balik malam tu, mintak dia tengok Alex sekejap sementara aku check bekal makanan yang aku bagi babysitter pagi tadi.

Aku tengok FBM 3 botol yg aku bagi tu 2 botol terbiar cair basi macam tu je (nangisss) dan aku terjumpa satu bekas bubur yang dia cakap anak aku makan sesudu je sebab tak selera (which was weird sbb if you know my son.. hulur belacan pon dia confirm makan sampai habis). Bubur tu dah basi sebab terbiar dari 5 petang, now dah 9 malam, so.. aku nak buang ajela dalam tong. Masa tu baru aku nampak yang bubur tu sebenarnya frozen berais lagi bahagian dasar dia.

Maknanya dia tak reheat bubur tu sebelum suap kat Alex. Patutpon anak aku kebulor sampai perut kembung!

... malam tu dalam kereta sementara nak pegi tapau dinner, aku cerita kat husband sambil tersedu-sedan tahan sebak...

TT____________TT

Babysitter

My parents in law who had been taking care of my baby since he was 6 weeks old need to return to kampung for a week. Some emergency matters.. and I had to find any babysitter who could accommodate my baby in short notice.

Obviously.. me or my husband can't take the whole week off. Blame our job, blame ourself.. blame this career minded mother who could not even consider being a SAHM and be the homemaker.

Haih.. I feel so frustrated and helpless when I release my baby to the hold of the babysitter's Indonesian maid this morning.

If I did not posses any speck of dignity, I will cry my heart out at the office today.. But yeah, I am too cool for that. Menangis dalam hati ajela..

Sob..

Tiada lagi...

... katil!

Sebenarnya, haritu aku terfikir-fikir nak mintak husband bukak frame katil kitorang and tido atas tilam je. Sebabnya.. aku selalu letih kerja sekarang dan kadang-kadang tido mati. Bila cosleep dengan budak kecik ni, dia suka bangun pukul 6 pagi and kejut mummy daddy dia.

Such a morning person this boy TT_____TT

I cosleep with my baby since I breastfeed exclusively at night.

The day aku balik from Frankfurt, aku tengok katil bilik aku dah takde. Eh, macam magic pulak husband aku boleh baca fikiran aku walau kami terpisah beribu batu jauhnya. Jadi, sekarang ni kami tido atas lantai beralaskan tilam ajela. Naseb baik tilam tebal, kalau tak sakit pinggang mak! Haha..

Pagi tadi aku sahur (kes baru nak start ganti puasa lah ni) and biasalah lepas makan, mesti nak membuang kan? Jadi dalam pukul 6 tu aku bangun pegi toilet tapi tak tutup pintu sebab nak dengar kot Alex nangis. Husband aku tido lambat, confirm dia tak kan bangun nye. Masa aku bangun tu Alex tengah sedap lagi tido kat ketiak daddy dia.

Sekali, aku dengar bunyi budak gelak-gelak.. laaaa..... Alex dah merangkak masuk dalam bilik air rupanya!!!

Nasiblah lantai toilet masih lagi kering masa tu, kalau tak basah lencun lah baju dia. Jadilah ceritanya aku cebok sambil pangku baby pagi tadi.

Kalau dia pandai cakap and tanya "Kenape mummy bau busyuk ?" memang aku sekeh jeee.. hahaha..

Pengalamannnn~~~~~~

Wajah Baru

Selepas berapa lama ntah start public kan balik blog ni baru dapat update template. Looks okay kan?

A million miles apart from my previous template yang emo tu. Zaman tu kan memang jiwa kacau, layan Evanescense manjang (sekarang layan jugak, but sekali sekala je). Now, dah tenang kehidupan berbanding dulu. Heheh..

Syukur alhamdulillah setelah beribu ujian Allah turunkan sejak 10 tahun lepas, aku dah boleh rasa kehidupan tenang yang tak sesak otak. Heh.. posting-posting lama semua dah transfer pergi tempat lain, so dah tak nampaklah kehidupan berterabur aku tu dulu kan?

Alex dah mula pandai berdiri jatuh.. bab pertuturan pula dah macam burung mencicip. Setakat ni die boleh sebut bird, cat, mamamam.. Tok dia cakap dah boleh sebut dapdap lepas makan and kadang2 sebut dada bila nampak daddy dia.

Tapi bila suruh sebut mummy.. hampeh! Sedih tau mummy ni.. isk isk...

By the way, semoga aku boleh update blog ni secara konsisten :)

P/s: Malasnye nak update pasal travel tu. Sebab dah tak tau nak pakai software ape untuk edit gamba dengan letak watermark -__________-"

Kisah Jetlag

Alkisahnya.. percutian yang aku beriye plan tu takdelah menjadi sangat. Beberapa kali masa holiday tu aku tercakap kat husband aku.. this is the worst vacation ever. Tapi, lepas balik sini.. aku fikirkan balik. Are you sure?

Percutian tak berjalan seperti dirancang. Sebenarnya salah aku pon banyak jugak sebab aku buat rancangan percutian macam bercuti berdua dengan husband. Padahal, aku nak bawak orang tua umo 60.. ditambah pula dengan budak kecik umur 10 bulan. Hmm.. Yang satu nak kena slowwwwwwwww, yang satu nak kena lajuuuuuuuu...... tak ke disaster jadinye?

Nanti aku cerita in detail ape yang jadi masa bercuti tu sampai aku rasa give up nak buat rombongan cik kiah ni.

So, begitulah ceritanya aku yang menjadi separa naga masa bercuti sebagai timekeeper and travel planner. Kalaulah kitorang ni ikut tour, memang harapan kena tinggal terus kat gua agaknye.

Tapi, bila dah balik KL. Terasa rindu pulak dengan suasana Europe yang sangat menarik tu. Maklumlah, aku ni tak suka panas dan berpeluh.. kat KL panas. Kat Europe sejuk. Agaknye kalau aku menaga kat KL ni agaknye tahap baran aku darab 18 kot :P

By the way, aku masih lagi jet lag or simply penat sebab aku masih lagi mengantuk sepanjang hari kat ofis minggu ni. Malam cukup je tido.. tapi, siangnye ya rabbi. mengantuk gile!

.. dan minggu depan aku akan terbang ke Frankfurt lagi untuk meeting dengan contractor.

Terbang ke timezone yang jauh beza lagi.. harapanlah aku punye jetlag nak elok cepat. Camne lah gaknye kehidupan pramugari agaknye ye?

P/s: Mari minum nescafe 2 kali sehari untuk tongkat mata di ofis.

Share sikit gamba comel anak lelaki kesayangan saya :P

A Slower Pace

During the first few years of my career, I wander aimlessly. Like in trance. Cuma buat kerja yang disuruh dan tak kesah ape yang jadi. Yang tau, gaji masuk.. bonus masyuk dan boleh bersosial di luar waktu kerja dengan aman.

Then, I got married. One part from my screwed up previous life was solved.

Then, I got better job (same company, different project) followed by a promotion and now.. I think I have found a footing in my career. Like a really clear vision of what I wanted to be, not the egoistical vision from my previous life.

Then, I had a baby. My biggest responsibility. My cheeky & smart 10 months old boy.

It is not easy juggling both between motherhood and a career.

I wanted to be the best wife to my husband.. the best mother for my child and the best career for myself.

I know I will not be satisfied to just be someone's wife and someone's mother. I want to achieve something for myself too. To be known for my own achievement.

I was not perfect. Never was and never will be. I just sailed through the tides with no complains.

I can have it all, but at a slower pace...

P/s: Pengerang by the end of the year? For a better future, Insya Allah.

Holiday Plan

Ini adalah post caca marba tentang plan holiday ke Europe hujung bulan ni.

Mama sebenarnya dah lama cakap dia nak pergi London lagi. Last kitorang pegi London tahun 2011 kot and plan asal nak pegi tahun 2014. Nak pergi tengok musim bunga katanye. Tapi, nak dijadikan cerita masa nak buat planning trip tu, aku tetibe pregnant. Heh.. tetibe la sangat kan? Haha.. jadi terpaksalah ditangguhkan sebab bulan April tu aku memang dah pregnant 8 bulan. Penguin pon boleh gelak kalau tengok aku berjalan time tu :P

Jadi, planning ditangguhkan selama setahun. April 2015 ni kitorang bakal ke Europe kembali, insya allah. Nasib baik jugak aku beranak cser, kalau tak mama aku cakap silap2 aku pregnant lagi. Kensel plan lagi.. cheisss.. 

Plan kami nak pegi Amsterdam, Brussels, Paris and London. Aku sebenarnya nak explore negara2 lain yang aku tak pernah pegi, tapi since mama nak jugak pegi London.. kite pergi lah jugak London untuk sekian kalinya. Oh, trip ni mama fully sponsor sebab aku dan suami angkat bendera putih awal2 kitorang tade budget nak sponsor trip. Yelah, baru dapat anak.. dan baru beli rumah baru.. dan kalau semua urusan selesai, bulan April-May ni akan mula bayar installment untuk 2 bijik rumah serentak. Memang kitorang akan sesak selagi dua rumah tu takde penyewa.. huhu..

Jadi, aku, suami dan adik lelaki aku cuma akan teman mama dan makcik aku yang teringin sangat nak berholiday ni. Aku seperti biasa akan jadi itinerary and financial planner, husband aku advisor merangkap tukang angkat beg. Adik bongsu aku pulak akan jadi budak suruhan mak aku untuk mengekor die shopping di mana2 sahaja kot.. hehehe

Tugas aku sebagai itinerary dan financial planner ni yang paling susah sebenarnya. Mama bagi aku duit dan suruh plan holiday untuk dia. Budget tu kalau kitorang semua ni sanggup duduk youth hostel, memang meriah la kan? Tapi, knowing mama.. dia tak harapkan duduk hotel 5 bintang tapi dia nak yg selesa. Jadi, ke AirBnB lah kita.

Bab cari accomodation dah satu hal.. sebab kitorang beli tiket bulan January untuk trip bulan April.. jadi rumah yang elok + murah + dekat memang takde dah. Dekat Amsterdam aku amik rumah yang elok + tak berapa murah + sederhana jauh. Tapi takpe, sebab kitorang sewa kereta kat Amsterdam dan rumah tu even jauh dari bandar, tapi dekat dengan attraction yang kitorang nak pergi.

Brussels pulak lepas aku buat research, berbaloi untuk day trip from Amsterdam je sebab distance lebih kurang macam KL-Kluang je. Kalau amik train + accomodation kat Brussel, agak mahal secara keseluruhannya berbanding dgn sewa kereta dan rumah di Amsterdam. Sebab.. train direct dari Amsterdam - Paris lagi murah dari Amsterdam - Brussels, Brussels - Paris. Tu tak termasuk hassle nak angkat beg turun naik train beberape kali. Kitorang pon plan nak singgah Brugge yang kalau nak naik turun train agak payah considering mak dan makcik aku yg dah agak berusia.

Jadi, kitorang stay Amsterdam lama sikit sebab nak buat day trip Amsterdam-Brussels dan Brugge kalau sempat. Kalau plan menjadi, insya allah ada masa untuk road trip ke The Hague and Rotterdam jugak.

Dekat Paris dapat yg elok + murah + dekat. Alhamdulillah.. jadi tade masalah untuk kat Paris sbb kitorang cuma duduk 2 hari 2 malam je. Dulu2 pergi Paris memang aku tade feel sangat pon dengan bandar yang konon romantik tapi kotor ni.. Tapi, ade antara kami yang tak pernah jejak Paris aku rasa baiklah kita singgah sekejap kat sini sebelum naik Eurostar ke London. Lagipon, dulu2 pegi time bitter dengan cinta.. kali ni pergi dengan suami dan anak tercinta, harapnya aku dapatlah rasa aura romantik kota Paris ni. Haha..

Destinasi terakhir adalah London. Accomodation kat sini agak haru sebab sederhana elok + mahal + dekat. Pengubat hati dia cuma dekat ajela.. tapi, kalau nak banding dgn rumah kat Amsterdam tu memang terasa macam pindah dari TTDI ke flat pekeliling kot... hehe... Pasal jenjalan, aku rasa kitorang akan duduk lama kat Oxford Street je, sebab aku sendiri dah plan nak shopping sakan kat sini. Tu baru aku, belum mak aku lagi.. haha.. Tapi, untuk benefit husband, makcik dan adik aku.. mungkin kitorang akan pergi melawat tempat2 menarik sekitar London. Lagipon aku sendiri tak pernah tengok Guard Changing ceremony, pergi Camden market, masuk Tower of London.. heheh.. banyak lagi tempat yang aku belum visit even though dah banyak kali pergi London ni. Selalunya, pergi London memang aku sakan kat Oxford Street je tapi kalini mungkin kena kurangkan aktiviti shopping sikit sebab GBP tengah mencanak sekarang ni. Best jugak kalau boleh buat trip ke stonhenge kan? AA.. nanti kite tengok balik itinerary boleh selit ke tidak lagi..

Kesimpulannya, trip kali ni sangat mencabar sebab nak kena plan untuk 6 orang (normal sedan car tak boleh muat), kena pastikan tempat tu baby friendly sebab nak bawak anak yang baru 10 bulan, tak boleh lasak sangat sebab mak dan makcik aku tak larat. Itinerary pon longgar2 je dan tak boleh ade walking trip jauh2. Haih, banyak betul restriction kan? Budget pon ade restriction.. haha

Okay, next update confirm selepas kitorang balik dari holiday.

Birth Story: The summary

The drama started on 23rd May 2014 when I found a bloodied discharge when I went to the toilet for my hourly peeing session.

I panicked. I was only in my 37th weeks and my mom had not arrived in KL yet to cook my favourite food. Haha...

But, I still made a call to PCMC's labour room for advice and of course, they asked me to come right away. As I was in KLCC and my husband was in his office in PJ, I asked my colleague to drive me to the hospital as it was only 5 minutes away.

I was admitted to the labour room and strapped with the CTG machine. They detect some contraction and I was like... what??? I did not feel anything and seriously.. I was not ready to give birth yet. At that point, I don't even know what contractions feel like. Haha..

My husband arrived around 7pm, 2 hours after my first phone call to him. As expected, Friday traffic from PJ to KL sucked as usual. If I really wait for him, if I really was in labour.. sempat beranak dulu agaknye baru dia sampai :P

I was warded for a night to observe my contractions and even though there really were many contractions, it was not regular or strong enough yet. On the second day, I requested to be discharged from the hospital because there were so many things that I wanted to do (or eat) that I hadn't done yet. Since my blood pressure was normal and my urine was clear for any protein, my gynae ruled out pre-eclampsia for the time being but she asked me to really rest at home.

That weekend, my mom arrived from Kluang and I moved back to my own home. All this while, I stayed at my in law's home as they were worried about my well being. They were overly concerned as compared with my mom's relaxed attitude. I even went to Jakel with my mom, to shop for raya clothes a day before I was admitted for labour. Haha..

While enjoying my last minute treat of home cooked food from my mother, I realized that all good thing would not last. On Tuesday, I went to see my gynae again and she said I should be induced at the same night. Ok ow.. my blood pressure went haywire again and even though there were no protein in my urine, she wanted to avoid pre-eclampsia. I was already a week away from my EDD so I don't see any problem in following her advice.

My mom cooked me some kerabu kaki ayam before I was induced that night. 

So, I was induced with a pill on the night of 10th June 2014 and the contraction become regular again. As I was progressing slowly, only 2cm after 6 hours.. I was being induced again in the morning.

I only progressed to 3cm the following day and I can't remember whether I was induced again on the second night as I was sleeping peacefully without having to fight another series of contractions. In the morning, I remember my gynae came to visit me and she was surprised when she saw me without any pain. She said, she has instructed the nurse to induce me using the drip (Pitocin?) if I was not progressing well by 6am. Nurse lupa lah tu kot.. huhu...

At 10am, I was induced with that drip and I was moved to the labour room. The pain come almost instantly and I progressed to 4cm. I tried my very best not to ask for Epidural but at 2pm, I could not stand the pain anymore. 

"Okay, Soraya.. you can stop choking your husband now."

Haha.. that was the first time I realized that I choked my husband to withstand the contraction pain. 

After epidural, I was calmer and even I managed to hold a decent conversation with my mom and my MIL. But, unfortunately.. I did not progress beyond 5cm and my gynae break my water soon after that. The contraction become unimaginable.. but still, I was stucked at 5cm.

I could not remember the time.. but around 5pm to 6pm, after almost 3 days being induced.. my gynae scheduled me for an emergency c-sec as my blood pressure was over the top and she could detect some fetal distress in my womb. 

My husband was out running to get me some 100 plus that time, only my mom was there and when my husband returned, I could not drink it anymore since I was already scheduled for the c-sec.

Antara benda yang aku nangiskan sebelum masuk OT ialah.."tak sempat minum 100 plus". Percaya tak? Haha..

Everything was in fast forward afterwards, I was rolled into the OT. I asked for a full GA since I could not imagine being cut open while I was awake.. I cried "SAKITTTTTT!!" when I feel the knife probing my abdomen... then, I was out cold.

I was awake later when the nurse roused me from my unconciousness and there he was.. the baby that I carried for 9 months looking at me with his curious big eyes. My baby. My Nisfu Syaaban's baby.

As I was stitched alive, I forgot all pain and all I can say is Alhamdulillah :)

How Alex Got His First Meal

Even before my son was born, I was mentally determined to breastfeed him.

I never knew that motherhood is this interesting, with so many things to learn. So, I started buying pregnancy books and sign up to many motherhood/baby/family online newsletter. Never once I encountered an article that discourage breastfeeding and all of them said breastfeeding is a natural things to do.

I thought it will be easy and breezy.

That was when everything went wrong.

After my c-sec, I had a fever and I was held for observation at the isolation ward for a few hours (think so.. because I don't wear a watch nor my glasses to know the time). It was the longest wait of my life, to see my baby and family.

Once I returned to my ward, the nurses brought my baby to me and asked me to start breastfeeding him. It was the most awkward thing to do. I don't know how to held him in the right position. I was so afraid that my boobs will crush my small 2.9kg baby and man.. it was so painful when he sucked.

I cried for days when I think I can't breastfeed him. My mom tried to press my breast and she can't see any droplets of milk.. I was so depressed and felt inadequate. Only my husband deny that claim because he said he saw some white droplets in our son mouth after my tearful attempts to breastfeed him.

So, I fall to the formula milk trap. Between our cries, I call the nurse and asked her to feed my baby some formula because I couldn't stand to see him crying non-stop.

My baby became quite contented and sleep happily afterwards. After that, I let the nurse fed him formula in between my feeble attempts to breastfeed. Until day 5, I remembered that I have bought a breastpump and asked my husband to bring it to the ward. 

I pumped and within half an hour I managed to collect 2oz from 1 side only. After that, I pumped every 3-4 hours and managed to collect 2oz-3oz every time. I feel very happy and that thumped all talks about I didn't have any milk.

That convince me that I have milk, enough milk to make my baby satiated and I don't need formula anymore. 

Mind you, I never once feel engorged or leaking until my milk supply established few weeks after that. I guess I was the lucky few who did not have to experience the painful engorgement at all.

But, just to be safe.. my husband bought a small can of formula in case I can't breastfeed once we returned home for confinement. I tried my best not to feed my baby any formula except for 1 time at night to make my baby sleep longer. He never did.

I still continue my pumping and breastfeeding attempts but day by day, my baby seems to prefer bottle more than my breast. Every time I tried to breastfeed, he would refuse to suck and cried his heart out. I never know that this was a signal that he was confused between breast and bottle feeding.

When my son was 7 days old, he got a bad diarrhea. His poop was green, watery and full of bubbles. According to the pharmacist, this was a sign of lactose intolerance. I then bought another can of lactose free formula and my son was okay with it.

Then, somebody on my Facebook posted a link from TBAN. I was not an avid Facebooker during my single years and I never posted anything on my FB page for years. But, the long hours I have to sit static while breastfeeding made me turn to FB to cure my boredom. My first post on FB after few years on silent was the once asking on why my baby only want to sleep on my chest and breastfeed every hour.

TBAN was magical. I learn a lot from TBAN within 1 night of reading through their walls as compared from all the breastfeeding talks I attended, books I read, websites I skimmed through and advises from old folks.

I learn about growth spurt, bottle confusion, power pumping and the very best information of all, I learn that breastfeeding was not easy. It required a lot of work and perseverance and tears and stubbornness.

TBAN even helped me when I had multiple milk blisters. Uhuk..

It was a painful journey.

I started to wean my baby off formula slowly and while doing power pumping numerous times everyday to bring up my supply to demand. 

My baby was totally off formula by week 6 and I exclusively breastfed him until today. Including my 2 weeks stint when I have to be in Germany without my baby.

Yay, a little pat on my back to myself and my frozen breast milk stash still available in the freezer. (Only breastfeeding mom will understand this :P)

Hehe..

Reality Bites

Sebenarnya, at the beginning I wanted to write about my breastfeeding journey. Tapi, in the end I decided to write about myself.

Frankly, I missed my friends. I missed the time when I can just go anyway on my own.. within my own time.. I missed my freedom *sigh*

This is so "unmotherly" confession right? I think all those motherhood-is-the-ultimate-lifestyle preacher will hate me after this.

<insert bitter laugh here>

Before I proceed, I better state here that I love my son more than my own life.. and I love my husband enough to sacrifice everything for him.

But, that priorities in life still can't erase the gregarious little me inside.

I missed my alone time. I would kill for 6 hours just by myself.. sipping coffee with a good books in coffee shop. Wearing my 5 inch heels, favourite jeans and tee.. blow dried hair and made up face. Had some shopping before heading home.. a shopping trip that I can spend RM500 without batting an eyelid because I can afford it.

Now, if I went out alone.. I had to lug my breast pump with me and had to pump every 3-4 hours. I can't enjoy sipping coffee because I know it will make my son cranky at night and I can't just read any books because I just can't let my son out of my mind (how is he doing being with his dad/grandma) to concentrate on the stories. I can't wear heels because my back pain I get after birth (epidural? spinal injection?) will be 100 times aggravated if I wear heels.. I can't zip up my favourite jeans anymore.. and of course my husband won't let me wear it because it was ripped at the thigh (fashionable ripped tho). I wear a full hijab right now.. first because I want to cover my aurat, second to cover my mommy boobies (you know what I mean) and third because I simply don't have time to take care of my own hair right now. I don't really shop for myself nowadays.. first because nothing pretty can fit into my mis-proportion body, second because most of my budget goes to my son and third because I now only shop at Jln TAR/online blogshop *cry*.

Make up? what make up? Haha.. thank god my skin condition now are like super good as compared to before. I guess being pregnant did regulate my body hormone :P

I think this are the things I won't miss if I get married at a younger age (below 25yo) but well, I get married only one month shy of being 30 and I get to enjoy years of being independent. 

Okay, not going to write anything else right now. Need to take a deep breath, open my eyes and return to reality.

An Update

Puhhhhhh!

*tiup habuk*

Koff..koff....

*terbatuk*

Haha.. dah lama sangat tak update blog sampailah Khaleef Alexander dah 7 bulan :P

Yes, my baby is already 7 months old. From those tiny.. fragile.. 2.9kg baby now he is a cheeky, always smiling and strong baby boy that always greet me with giggles every time I return home from work everyday.

I realized that I have not updated my birth story anywhere, nor my baby personal milestone growth. I was too busy with my own personal life to even bother about my online presence. Huhu..

How can I describe my 7 months of joy in this tiny space? I can't. But, I will give it a try..

...and I have to start somewhere, right?

Alex has mastered the army crawl and now moved on to crawl with his four limbs. His current favourite activities is standing. He loves to stand while holding on to the sofa or to my head while I was lying down. Haha.. He is still wobbly and can't stand unassisted (duhh.. he is just 7 months!). But, he still can't go into sitting position on his own. Yes, if we put him on the sitting position he can sit well.. but, he still can't go from lying position into sitting position on his own.

He is still exclusively breastfed, YAY! I passed my first milestone of 6 months (almost) exclusive breastfeeding, except for a few stray bottle I fed him with formula during the first few weeks when I was still learning the art (or should I called it "war") of breastfeeding. I think I should write about my breastfeeding journey on a separate blog post. Seriously.. there is so much to talk about it, trust me.

About solid food.. yes, he loves his puree and porridge. Either I am a good cook (kof kof kof) or he takes after his daddy.. not a picky eater. He never rejected any of my food yet and we have to distract him from asking for more food after he clean his bowl. Hehe... 

All in all.. as a first time parents I am eager to do everything perfect. But, I restrained myself from being too anal about everything as he was being taken cared by my parents in law when I was in the office. They have their own style, and they have raised their only son.. my husband into a wonderful person that I married, right? And.. I don't really compare my baby well being with others because really... Alex is the first grandchildren from both my parents and my in-laws side.

Thank god for that.

TLDR?

Hehe.. let me finish with the piccah of my boy :P

Hey, nak geget sudu pon tak senang!