Reality Bites

Sebenarnya, at the beginning I wanted to write about my breastfeeding journey. Tapi, in the end I decided to write about myself.

Frankly, I missed my friends. I missed the time when I can just go anyway on my own.. within my own time.. I missed my freedom *sigh*

This is so "unmotherly" confession right? I think all those motherhood-is-the-ultimate-lifestyle preacher will hate me after this.

<insert bitter laugh here>

Before I proceed, I better state here that I love my son more than my own life.. and I love my husband enough to sacrifice everything for him.

But, that priorities in life still can't erase the gregarious little me inside.

I missed my alone time. I would kill for 6 hours just by myself.. sipping coffee with a good books in coffee shop. Wearing my 5 inch heels, favourite jeans and tee.. blow dried hair and made up face. Had some shopping before heading home.. a shopping trip that I can spend RM500 without batting an eyelid because I can afford it.

Now, if I went out alone.. I had to lug my breast pump with me and had to pump every 3-4 hours. I can't enjoy sipping coffee because I know it will make my son cranky at night and I can't just read any books because I just can't let my son out of my mind (how is he doing being with his dad/grandma) to concentrate on the stories. I can't wear heels because my back pain I get after birth (epidural? spinal injection?) will be 100 times aggravated if I wear heels.. I can't zip up my favourite jeans anymore.. and of course my husband won't let me wear it because it was ripped at the thigh (fashionable ripped tho). I wear a full hijab right now.. first because I want to cover my aurat, second to cover my mommy boobies (you know what I mean) and third because I simply don't have time to take care of my own hair right now. I don't really shop for myself nowadays.. first because nothing pretty can fit into my mis-proportion body, second because most of my budget goes to my son and third because I now only shop at Jln TAR/online blogshop *cry*.

Make up? what make up? Haha.. thank god my skin condition now are like super good as compared to before. I guess being pregnant did regulate my body hormone :P

I think this are the things I won't miss if I get married at a younger age (below 25yo) but well, I get married only one month shy of being 30 and I get to enjoy years of being independent. 

Okay, not going to write anything else right now. Need to take a deep breath, open my eyes and return to reality.