Even before my son was born, I was mentally determined to breastfeed him.
I never knew that motherhood is this interesting, with so many things to learn. So, I started buying pregnancy books and sign up to many motherhood/baby/family online newsletter. Never once I encountered an article that discourage breastfeeding and all of them said breastfeeding is a natural things to do.
I thought it will be easy and breezy.
That was when everything went wrong.
After my c-sec, I had a fever and I was held for observation at the isolation ward for a few hours (think so.. because I don't wear a watch nor my glasses to know the time). It was the longest wait of my life, to see my baby and family.
Once I returned to my ward, the nurses brought my baby to me and asked me to start breastfeeding him. It was the most awkward thing to do. I don't know how to held him in the right position. I was so afraid that my boobs will crush my small 2.9kg baby and man.. it was so painful when he sucked.
I cried for days when I think I can't breastfeed him. My mom tried to press my breast and she can't see any droplets of milk.. I was so depressed and felt inadequate. Only my husband deny that claim because he said he saw some white droplets in our son mouth after my tearful attempts to breastfeed him.
So, I fall to the formula milk trap. Between our cries, I call the nurse and asked her to feed my baby some formula because I couldn't stand to see him crying non-stop.
My baby became quite contented and sleep happily afterwards. After that, I let the nurse fed him formula in between my feeble attempts to breastfeed. Until day 5, I remembered that I have bought a breastpump and asked my husband to bring it to the ward.
I pumped and within half an hour I managed to collect 2oz from 1 side only. After that, I pumped every 3-4 hours and managed to collect 2oz-3oz every time. I feel very happy and that thumped all talks about I didn't have any milk.
That convince me that I have milk, enough milk to make my baby satiated and I don't need formula anymore.
Mind you, I never once feel engorged or leaking until my milk supply established few weeks after that. I guess I was the lucky few who did not have to experience the painful engorgement at all.
But, just to be safe.. my husband bought a small can of formula in case I can't breastfeed once we returned home for confinement. I tried my best not to feed my baby any formula except for 1 time at night to make my baby sleep longer. He never did.
I still continue my pumping and breastfeeding attempts but day by day, my baby seems to prefer bottle more than my breast. Every time I tried to breastfeed, he would refuse to suck and cried his heart out. I never know that this was a signal that he was confused between breast and bottle feeding.
When my son was 7 days old, he got a bad diarrhea. His poop was green, watery and full of bubbles. According to the pharmacist, this was a sign of lactose intolerance. I then bought another can of lactose free formula and my son was okay with it.
Then, somebody on my Facebook posted a link from TBAN. I was not an avid Facebooker during my single years and I never posted anything on my FB page for years. But, the long hours I have to sit static while breastfeeding made me turn to FB to cure my boredom. My first post on FB after few years on silent was the once asking on why my baby only want to sleep on my chest and breastfeed every hour.
TBAN was magical. I learn a lot from TBAN within 1 night of reading through their walls as compared from all the breastfeeding talks I attended, books I read, websites I skimmed through and advises from old folks.
I learn about growth spurt, bottle confusion, power pumping and the very best information of all, I learn that breastfeeding was not easy. It required a lot of work and perseverance and tears and stubbornness.
TBAN even helped me when I had multiple milk blisters. Uhuk..
It was a painful journey.
I started to wean my baby off formula slowly and while doing power pumping numerous times everyday to bring up my supply to demand.
My baby was totally off formula by week 6 and I exclusively breastfed him until today. Including my 2 weeks stint when I have to be in Germany without my baby.
Yay, a little pat on my back to myself and my frozen breast milk stash still available in the freezer. (Only breastfeeding mom will understand this :P)
Hehe..
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